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October 2009

November 4, 2009

Before I forget, here are October’s numbers:

  • Time Period:  28 days (Oct. 1 – Oct.28)
  • Events Played (SnGs & MTTs): 1,578
  • Total profit (before split): $1,120

Starting within a few days I am going to experiment with a weekly schedule I have designed to see how it impacts my mood and alertness and consequently my poker results:

Each 90-minute block of green represents a set of SnGs on Poker Stars. Although turbos usually last only 45-50 minutes, I am allotting myself extra time to account for how long it takes for 30-40 SnGs to fill up and completely register, as well as the occasional extended heads-up match. (Note: the constant strip of green on Sunday means I will be grinding MTTs instead of SnGs.)

Exercise will include weight training (squatting, benching, and other compound exercises) and high-intensity interval training, or HIIT. My main goals in this department are to increase my metabolism in order to be more alert during the 9 hours I will be playing poker every day as well as to build muscle and burn fat. I will also stretch at the beginning and end of each workout to avoid injuries and improve circulation (sitting in an office chair all day cannot be +EV for my veins amirite).

“Break” time will actually be used for overflow minutes for any SnGs which take an extraordinary long time to register and/or finish. Of course I will also water my garden during these times. o_0

I was initially concerned that I didn’t give myself enough “study” time in this schedule, but I feel comfortable with my ability to profit from mass-multi-tabling the $16s for right now. Obviously I will at some point study harder and attempt to move up in limits within the next year, but for right now my main priority is to seriously profit and save money for my own apartment.

“Off day” and “sleep” are just that. :)

If I don’t go insane trying to adhere to the above plan over the next couple of weeks, I will report how I’m feeling and my poker wins/losses. Thanks for reading!

darq

P.S.: I highly recommend the Firefox add-on “LeechBlock” if you want to help yourself be more productive while using the internet.

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The Anti-Burnout Plan

October 17, 2009

I just played a set of 30 $16 SnGs on PS, not listening to music or fapping at any point. My ROI was 43% ($208.50 profit) and my cash rate was 47%. These numbers aren’t sustainable IMO but it felt good to be able to handle such a large number of tables. Thirty seems to be the point at which both my brain and my computer’s CPU start to feel the heat, ya feel me. But with the help of Table Ninja and an AutoHotkey script I use to send tables back and forth between my two monitors, I think multi-tabling at this volume will quickly become easier. My only complaint is that trying to run my HUD (heads-up display) while playing more than ~20 tables really seems to slow down my computer, so I may have to invest in a quad-core processor as a practical upgrade (it was a minor mistake on my part to purchase a dual-core back when I was building my rig, but oh well. Every other aspect of the machine is working excellently).

I’m going to visit a friend of mine for the Halloween weekend, and I think the trip will be a good way for me to relax after working hard to regain my PlatinumStar status this month. Aside from having a good time with a fellow aspiring poker professional, I plan to prevent a burnout (and downswing) similar to the one I experienced in early September after grinding myself out of my mind in August.

So far in October I am +$151.19 with 3,971.50 VPP. My goal is to play 70-80 $16s per day (excluding Sundays) between now and the 27th so I can chill during the last few days of the month. With me luck! :D

darq

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Candy for the Haters

October 1, 2009

After showing a profit for half a year, I finally had a losing month. Aside from bad play, I attribute the downswing to simply being burnt out from playing so much in August. Reaching Platinum & Ironman statuses while still being in school wasn’t exactly the most relaxing venture, and I never took a day off to recharge before barreling into the next 30 days. But at least I can identify what my problem was and fix it for the future.

September, 2009’s numbers:

  • Time period: 30 days (Sep. 1 – Sep. 30)
  • Events played (SnGs & MTTs): 941
  • Total profit (before split): -$69.83

It’s a shame my plan of playing fewer tables seemed to fail miserably…it’s time to go for Platinum again. :D

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Preparations for October and Beyond

September 22, 2009

Starting in October, when I’m finally finished with school, I plan to saturate my schedule with playing/studying poker and exercise. As an extra incentive to help me with the latter, I bought some new head phones and running shoes:

headphones

shoes

As a side note, I haven’t been playing nearly as many SnGs as I did in August, evident by the pressure I’m feeling to even make GoldStar on PS this month. In some respects my ego is pushing me to achieve this status as a minimum on a regular basis, but the 2x FPP multiplier represents an actual rational reason to go for it.

For example, 10-person satellites (which pay 4 people) into the Sunday Million run around the clock during the week and cost 5,400 FPPs. As a GoldStar I’d need to play at least 78 $16 turbos per day to accrue enough FPPs to give the satellite a shot once a week. Because the SM entry may be exchanged for T$215, such a plan is extremely +EV since it’s relatively easy to “cash” in the satellite.

I did this yesterday and played four $60 turbos, profiting $470 with solid play and average luck. Despite that, I’m still several hundred in the hole and I’m scrambling to show a profit for this month, but I’ve been in this situation before and somehow I always get myself out of it before the 1st. :D

P.S.: I’d like to congratulate my friend Josh (“kjoshua” on Poker Stars) for qualifying for a seat in a European Poker Tour event in London on October 2nd. A baller in the making IMO. gl!

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Last Month of College

September 3, 2009

Despite an awful last week of August (almost $700 downswing) I still reached my goals of Ironman status on Full Tilt and PlatinumStar status on PokerStars.

Check it out:

  • Time period: 31 days (Aug. 1 – Aug. 31)
  • Events played (SnGs & MTTs): 2,232
  • Total profit (before split): $1,533

My low point in August was almost -$600, so things could’ve gone worse. ;)

In other news, I built myself a new computer to multi-table more SnGs (and for better performance overall), but this means I can no longer use two monitors until I save money for another screen. Anyway, I am very happy with it so far. Here are the specs:

  • CPU – AMD Phenom II X2 545 3.0GHz Dual-Core
  • GPU – XFX Radeon HD 4850 1GB
  • Motherboard – Gigabyte GA-MA785GM-US2H
  • PSU – Antec 550W ATX12V (modular)
  • RAM – 8GB (4 x 2GB) DDR2 @ 1066MHz
  • HDD – 2 x W.D. 160GB 7200 RPM (in RAID 0)
  • DVD – Lite-On 22x DVD±RW
  • Case – Antec 300 ATX Mid Tower (3 intake, 2 exhaust)
  • OS – Microsoft Vista Home Premium SP1 64-bit

Those items totaled around $800, but pre-assembled setups with identical components can cost hundreds more, so I’m proud I saved a bundle and finally took the leap of building my own PC.

Speaking of which, the process of putting everything together went relatively well since I’d been researching online and I am decently tech-savvy as it is. But I seemed to be grounding myself several times a minute out of nervousness, so I’ll probably invest in an anti-static wristband for next times’ peace of mind (and just to feel cool in general). In the meantime I may explore overclocking…but every so cautiously since 3.0GHz processors don’t exactly grow on trees.

Back to poker (kind of): I used 25,000 FTPs, 10k of which I had to buy with Ironman medals, to purchase a football jersey which I will superciliously flaunt to represent my eternal struggle with the laggy, piece-of-shit rigjob of a site called Full Tilt. o_0 …j/k, I love you, Howard. ^_^

Honestly I am not sure if I will be able to maintain my Platinum status on PS this month without playing significantly fewer games on FTP. I only have one monitor right now and my TableNinja trial (read: crutch) expired, but this may be a good thing since my cumulative ROI (since late February ‘09) fell from 20% at the beginning of August to 12% at the end of August. For the mathematically less-inclined, this means recently I’ve been earning $1.28 less per $16 SnG, and this adds up when you play thousands of SnGs, amirite. The point is that by playing a lower average number of SnGs/day I will hopefully substitute a lower hourly rate with a higher return on investment (stated another way, I will work less for a higher wage). One interesting note is that if I can maintain an average ROI of 10% playing about 50 $16 SnGs per day from now on, I can make $15,000 before April ‘10. :)

Toning down the heavy multi-tabling might give me more time to play MTTs, but lately final tables are like UFOs: they are elusive as fuck and I seem to get a probe up my ass whenever I get close to one.

On that note, have a good month and ttyl! =]

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My First Sunday Million

August 25, 2009

I bought into the Sunday Million last weekend for 13,500 FPPs and placed 276th for $630. I think I played relatively well up until the last hand where I shoved 8.5 BBs from the hijack with A2s and ran into 99. But I’m very proud of one particular play I made about 2.5 hours into the event:

PokerStars $200+$15  Hold’em No Limit (500/1000/75):

Seat #6 is the button
Seat 1: petula 99 (5826 in chips)
Seat 2: maksvs70 (40704 in chips)
Seat 3: TeToF (30512 in chips)
Seat 4: snipard (19762 in chips)
Seat 5: theparlay123 (35229 in chips)
Seat 6: aaaaaaaa (31461 in chips)
Seat 7: Irina_kiss_A (26610 in chips)
Seat 8: @chu7 (18508 in chips)
Seat 9: darqblue42 (23845 in chips)

*** HOLE CARDS ***

Dealt to darqblue42 [Qs Ah]

darqblue42: raises 1375 to 2375
petula 99: folds
maksvs70: folds
TeToF: folds
snipard: folds
theparlay123: folds
aaaaaaaa: folds
Irina_kiss_A: calls 1875
@chu7: folds

*** FLOP *** [3h 8s 4h]

Irina_kiss_A: checks
darqblue42: checks

*** TURN *** [3h 8s 4h] [9c]

Irina_kiss_A: bets 3000
darqblue42: calls 3000

*** RIVER *** [3h 8s 4h 9c] [2d]

Irina_kiss_A: bets 7000
darqblue42: calls 7000

*** SHOW DOWN ***

Irina_kiss_A: shows [Td Ad] (high card Ace)
darqblue42: shows [Qs Ah] (high card Ace – Queen kicker)
darqblue42 collected 26425 from pot

To be honest I put villain on Jack-Ten or middle-straight cards (which missed), but his holding brought the same result anyway. ;)

After the Sunday cash and a -$200 Monday, I’m at $2,153 for August so far. My pre-split goal for the month is ~$3k so I can afford a new, faster computer I’ve been researching/customizing for the past week (more on that when I actually order the parts and build it), give my parents a contribution for rent/groceries and the new car they just bought, and possibly get the tattoo I’ve wanted for months. <– I promise pictures of that last one when it happens.

Also, I'm on schedule to reach Ironman on FTP by this Thursday, and Platinum Star on PS by Friday. I plan on celebrating these achievements and having a healthy hangover Saturday morning.

Other than that, I got my new leather office chair today and began my final five-week session at AIU. It'll be so nice to have extra time on my hands. :)

Have a good week and thanks for reading,
darq

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Gold Star on PokerStars

August 11, 2009

After 11 days and 600 SnGs on PokerStars (not to mention over 400 on Full Tilt), I’ve achieved Gold Star status, which means:

  • 100% FPP Multiplier (2 FPP accrued per 1 VPP earned)
  • $285 VIP Reward Bonus (available for purchase for 25,000 FPP)
  • Daily VIP Tournaments ($500/3x daily/10 FPP entry; $1000/2x daily/20 FPP entry)
  • Weekly VIP Tournaments ($30,000/100 FPP entry; $75,000/FPP satellites available)
  • Monthly VIP Tournament ($100,000/freeroll)
  • FPP Buy-in to regular tournaments

I will utilize this last benefit by buying into the August 23 Sunday Million for 13,500 FPP. And by August 29 (or sooner if I play more), I will reach Platinum Star status, my major goal for this month. I’m also on schedule to attain Ironman status on Full Tilt: I’ve earned at least 200 FT points in 11 out of the 25 days required.

So far total profit for the month is $38.17, but this is actually a great result because I endured multiple $500+ downswings within the last week or so. :-x My problem lies in my inability to play perfectly on the SnG bubble. Once my July check arrives, I am going to purchase a license for SnG Wizard, a program which calculates the best move (raise all-in, call, or fold) in an SnG based on my hand, opponents’ calling/shoving ranges, stack sizes, and tournament payout structure (the combination of which is known as Independent Chip Modeling, or ICM). My plan is to spend time every day using this program to essentially train my brain to automatically identify the right decision in any SnG situation, especially on the bubble. The harder I work at improving my “ICM sense,” the more money I will make. ;)

In terms of meta-game / darq’s life, playing close to 100 SnGs a day, every day, has begun to sap my enthusiasm towards poker as a fun activity…it’s beginning to feel like a job, and I hate to love the game. I’m not complaining since I know it’s necessary to put in a hell of a lot of hours to reach my goals and improve, but I will definitely need to schedule a day off soon and get back to exercising if I am to continue to do this for many more months.

Other than that, I have fewer than seven more weeks before I graduate from my online university (associate degree in business) and I’m buying myself a new leather office chair to cushion my ass while I play these long sessions. :) ttyl

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July

August 1, 2009

First thing’s first…results from July:

  • Time period: 31 days (July 1 – July 31)
  • Events played (SnGs & MTTs): 687
  • Total profit (before split): $1,223

Despite being in Vegas (and away from a computer) for five days in the middle of the month, I still managed to put in some serious volume online due to pushing myself to multi-table an increasing number of SnGs. I can comfortably play around 12 tables on either Full Tilt or Poker Stars, but I want to be able to play even more as the months progress in order to 1) make more money (obviously) and 2) prepare myself to reach an important goal a friend and I have for 2010.

In terms of goals in August, I am going to go for Ironman on Full Tilt, which will require playing about 30 $11+$1 turbos a day for at least 25 days in the month. Frankly I think the whole promotion is bland and relatively unrewarding, but aiming for the highest status will ensure that I put in a few solid hours of work a day on FTP beyond my standard MTTs.

On Poker Stars I achieved Silver Star in July, so I want to go for Gold Star this month. I will need to play at least 600 $15+$1 turbos for the whole month, or an average of 20 per day, which is definitely doable. If I can stay on top of my school work (only eight more weeks after tomorrow), exercise, sleeping, eating, and shitting, I might even chase Platinum Star, which means about 50 turbos per day. In that case my poker schedule would probably approach LoLchAoS, so I might just stick with Gold.

Anyway, that’s it for now. Have a good weekend! :)

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Vegas TR :-o

July 18, 2009

I was actually there until Thursday, but after Monday night I was too hungover and broke to do anything else crazy. :P

1:12 PM Sunday, July 12, 2009
I touch down to Vegas from Seattle with the parents…they were drinking on the plane, while I wasn’t, so I was getting aggravated and I wanted to break free and find a fucking blackjack table ASAP. We get a shuttle ride from the airport to the Flamingo, listening to some smooth-talking, conniving piece of shit salesman trying to sell show tickets to newlyweds.

2:27
The first thing I notice when I walk into the hotel, besides the relieving cold air on my face and around my groin, is the unique smell…a mixture of money, service, greed, and tourism. Kind of like that new car scent, except for a hotel. So anyway, we check in, go up to the room, and I say, “I have my phone…I’m going downstairs…see you later.”

2:33
I’d been to Vegas before, but I was never old enough to gamble or actually stop walking past the table games without a pit boss giving me the evil eye and asking me for my ID. I stroll around for awhile soaking it all in…lights flashing, bells, whistles, clings, and clanks sounding, cocktail waitresses encouraging patrons to get increasingly intoxicated and fund their hotel’s next swimming pool…etc. I walk next door to Bill’s and sit down at a blackjack table, manage to profit $5 dollars and receive a compliment from the middle-aged female Asian dealer about my handsome looks, color up, and head over to the 200NL hold’em cash game near the door.

3:39
I am drooling over the tourists sitting at my table. Typical traits: the wife is idly standing/watching nearby and the player is drinking a beer and check-raising the turn with pocket threes on a K-Q-T-8 board.

4:05
I am three vodka cranberries deep and trying to represent a flush against some twitching crack head in the game who tells me to fold, since he “has my flush beat.” I do fold, and he shows me a non-full house blank from his hole cards and says something retarded. I roll my eyes like durrrr and don’t care because I had 4-high anyway. I leave Bill’s.

4:07
Back at the Flamingo, since I obviously cannot beat heroin addicts at poker, I want more blackjack. After wandering around the labyrinth designed to keep customers in and hot air out, I find a $10-min blackjack table near one of the bars and sit down.

4:14
I get carded by a large black male dealer named “King.” I am intimidated until I double down on my 8 versus his 7 and this game isn’t rigged for once.

4:21
Down $50 from my $100 buy-in, I order a shot of Patrón silver with a Corona back from a cocktail waitress who looks like a vampire from Puerto Vallarta. I immediately get an erection.

4:25
My drinks arrive. The waitress tells me the bartender “over-poured,” which apparently means I get three shots for one. I realize that playing table games in Vegas has at least one positive.

4:30
Dealer change at my table; a “Carlos” replaces King. He confirms that the cocktail waitress is Mexican and hot as fucking hell. I continue to play, taking one shot from my glass.

4:43
Deficit has disappeared and reversed into $200 on the table. The dealer and I spot a man who’s naked except for a WWE-style head mask and a skimpy man-thong; we giggle and he deals me a blackjack. I take another drink, using my beer to chase. inb4youneedAAkthnx.

4:58
I have seven greens and 29 reds in front of me and am feeling a very pleasant buzz from the Patrón. Carlos deals me one more pair of nines versus his 7 (and he flips over a jack…wheeeee!), gets tapped, and wishes me luck and says adios. I say bye, not knowing if I call him a vato or not. I finish the rest of my drinks.

5:08
Up to $475 and up $75 since I got to Vegas, I stay on a 15 versus dealer’s 6. He shows a 7, draws an 8. I flinch slightly and order another Corona.

5:09
I look at the roulette table nearby and see one player there, a sexy young lady with a body-tight red dress on to match her hair. She is betting $10/spin on red. I am wearing a black shirt and have liquid courage pulsing through my veins, so, sensing a theme, I color up at the blackjack table (asking if I can trade my greens for blacks obv) and walk over to the roulette table. I sit next to her, place $10 on black, and announce that I had to work years before being able to make such skillful decisions. She asks my name and tells me hers: “Rose.”

5:10
Ball lands on 6/black. I rub my victory in Rose’s face, place $10 more on black. ty, Sin City.

5:11
I suggest we take a shot and Rose agrees. After multiple drink orders in a short time period, the cocktail waitress and dealer are beginning to give us strange looks.

6:33
The roulette wheel is treating me well (rigged) and there is a crowd forming around our table, mostly due to my yelling and celebratory drinking whenever the ball lands on black (inb4racistban). Some notable interactions:

  • Rose asks every single new player his/her name and touts that she and I met on eHarmony; I play along because it’s funny and I like the attention.
  • I yell at random walkers-by to sit their asses down and play some roulette; when they realize how I am behaving and thus decline, I threaten to play Russian roulette with them, with a loaded gun, with their turn first. Hotel security personnel become visible at this point.
  • I encourage a trio of Italian woman (who I first mistaken for Mexicans, hence my exclamations of “mucho caliente mamacita ooh la la” etc.) to play a spin. Only one of them speaks English, so I take this opportunity to ask if she is interested in having a threesome with Rose and me. The Italian woman does not understand this offer, loses her bet, and walks away with a dazed look on her face. Welcome to Vegas IMO.

7:46
I am getting sick of essentially flipping coins with worse than 1:1 odds on my money. A young gentleman at the table, “Necktie,” says he can get us into Pure Nightclub for free later, which obviously spikes my interest, so the three of us head up to his room to pick up his brother, “Brother,” and his friend, “Shades.” I sense the roulette table’s atmosphere deflate as I walk away.

7:47
On the way, Rose pees in the bathroom after having complained about her bladder almost exploding for the last 157 minutes. She does not fall into the toilet, which disappoints me and Necktie. We collect ourselves and head to the elevators. Necktie announces he ordered a stripper to his room. We all begin to walk faster.

7:51
Brother and Shades are in the room freshening themselves up for the night. There is no stripper, which disappoints Rose and me, but she whips out a couple of bottles Smirnoff Ice from her purse, which fucking cracks me up because we’d already been drinking like whales. I open my bottle very quickly, give Rose an affectionate squeeze, and compliment the guys’ sexy attire, ending each sentence with “no homo” for good measure.

7:57
We cross the street to Caesars Palace, planning to attack the cocktail waitresses with inebriated demands for free shots and lap dances.

8:01
After entering, we spot our target: a table game area called Pussycat Dolls, or something similar. The point is, the dealers are wearing nothing but two-piece bikinis and hats, and there are more scantily-clad women riding stripper poles on elevated pedestals, arching their backs, raising their naked legs, and furiously whipping their hair around like there’s no tomorrow. We sit down at the roulette table and loudly claim we all have a medical condition which necessitates constant consumption of alcohol.

8:03
I ask a casino cigar girl if she’s proud to be selling cancer to people. She walks away clearly flustered.

8:15
Rose spills her first drink on the roulette table. The floor person has to clean and dry each of her chips individually, which is so hilarious to me I almost spill my own drink. The dealers and sober players look at each other as if we are jackasses. I begin drinking faster and order Rose a bottle of water (I can be nice *sometimes.*)

8:28
Of course, Rose now proceeds to spill her uncapped bottle of water on the felt. I try to hold back my laughter in front of the clearly annoyed pit boss. I spot a wedding band on her finger and openly express my simultaneous sorrow for her marital situation and my hope that she may be unfaithful for one night after she’s done supervising the games. She is slightly amused and smirks at me as the ball lands on red. Rose, on the other hand, screams with joy. Fucking roulette…

8:55
Necktie and I have joined forces on black and are encouraging Rose and one of the dealers to make out with each other as soon as she has a break from the table. The dealer is silent when offered this idea.

9:02
We step away from the table for a minute and get approached by a well dressed man who’s handing out free passes to Pure. I ask him what the catch is in between gulps of my screwdriver.

9:10
I am yet again sick of roulette…69 minutes and breakeven. +EV game for sure. o_0

9:19
Stumbling towards the sports betting / poker room area in search of the cage to cash my single black chip, I realize this is apparently the wrong way because I have to walk what seems like a quarter mile and ask two people where the fuck the cashier is before I find it.

9:30
I come full circle back to the famously wet roulette table to find Rose but no Necktie or Brother or Shades. She tells me they left us (probably because they finally realized she was not going to abandon her Vegas buddy darq and bang one of them). We just shrug our shoulders and decide to find another casino to assault.

9:31
Upon exiting Caesars, Rose asks me if I was glad she waited for me while I was at the cage. I say yes and introduce her ass to one of the large Roman pillars near the entrance. She tastes good.

9:33
My back is now against the pillar and I use the support to counter Rose’s relentless attack on my lips and tongue. I manage to utter a barely-audible “only in Vegas!” to tourists as they walk by this scene. Some of them cheer on the show while others cover their children’s eyes.

9:39
We decide to go back inside for more drinks because we are obviously not intoxicated enough.

9:41
A slot machine area seems right. We frantically look around for a cocktail waitress, sit on some seats, fall on the ground, and get back up. Random people laugh at us.

9:42
I need to piss like a racehorse. On my way to the bathroom I give the middle finger to a couple of girls sitting at a table. Apparently my crooked smile and crisscross gait were not enough to persuade them I was kidding and/or drunk.

9:46
Back at the slot machines, the woman who I flicked off, who is Spanish and actively demonstrating her temper by bitching me out in between my giggling, has called security for showing her and her daughter such a rude hand gesture.

9:49
Caesars Palace security is escorting me out of the casino. Before I exit, I give Rose my phone number, except with one incorrect digit. recallofEZfactsgonewrongFTL

9:54
I’m playing 200NL at O’Sheas. I repeatedly drop the f-bomb to the dealer’s humor/disgust and quickly establish myself as the new asshole of the table. The former asshole and I order a lemon drop, which arrives in the form of a shot. We are relieved by the absence of a full-blown martini glass and down our drinks rapidly. I check-raise a fish with a flush draw and win. Or maybe it was 2nd pair.

10:03
I bluff someone with air and win the pot, but somehow lose my stack in a different hand…probably trying to bluff again. Fuck.

10:09
An Armenian blackjack dealer flirts with me as I lose 20 reds. I leave with a Corona in hand, my only prize from this Irish hell.

10:20
Back in the Flamingo, I walk around the lobby and casino areas trying not to offend anyone too much.

10:33
My Corona bottle empty, I order a shot of Patrón silver with a beer back (obv). I chat it up with a couple of married women and immediately scamper away when one of their husbands walks up and yells that I need to stop talking to his wife.

10:36
I spot a young lady near the hotel check-in desk and ask the man nearby if she is his daughter. He answers yes and I tell him, in that case, I will not hit on her. I walk away before I can see the look on his face.

10:41
I find myself at another Flamingo bar. But there is no bartender so I slam my hand on the counter and yell like Shawn Sheikhan in this clip. This technique does not work for the correct purpose, as the bartender immediately reveals himself from whatever fapping corner he was in only to tell me I am cut off. I rage slightly at this result.

10:42
I sit myself down at a table with a couple of fat blonde women, telling myself I am only doing so for more alcohol. Upon realizing I was just cut off from the bar, they refuse to order a drink for me for fear of losing their own little cozy spot (fucking cunts). I leave their vicinity and walk across the walkway to an area with more tables, chairs, and women.

11:01
I have given my name to an attractive Latina girl who seemed entertained by my drunken banter and wanted to Facebook me, and I am now upstairs in my room with my face in my pillow. Standard Sunday night in Vegas IMO.

Monday Morning/Afternoon/Early Evening
Breakfast with the folks, walk around and visit casinos and shit, hit quad 4s on the turn in a 200NL cash game at Planet Hollywood and stack villain for 150 BBs, see the V-Show @ 7:00 PM and eat a delicious burger afterwards, then head back to the room.

10:07 PM
Disappointed I had given Rose a wrong number, I venture back to the Flamingo roulette table where we met. Lo and behold, she is there betting on red obv. I correct my number in her phone, we order drinks, and then we walk over to Caesars.

11:51
After some more roulette (rigged), Rose proposes we go to Jet Nightclub at the Mirage since she has a free pass. I oblige and we get a cab.

12:09
The bouncers tell us that Rose’s pass expired at midnight, but we each pay the $30 cover anyway.

Side note: apparently a single fifth of Grey Goose plus a booth costs $425 (which we did not purchase LDO). And shots in the club’s bar are $12 a piece (which we did purchase, LDO, because we’re alcoholics). So fucking rigged, but at least the club played good music.

12:36
Rose is rubbing her ass on my crotch with such force that I fall backwards and hit my head on a table, knocking myself unconscious. Just kidding, but she is one hell of a dancer.

2:17 AM Tuesday
We slowly migrate through the club, making out against the bar and on the dance floor every few minutes. Eventually Rose works up the courage to dance on an elevated area with a couple of poles in the middle of the floor. Another girl hops up there with her and they make out. I slap Rose’s ass a couple times and thank her for putting on such a classy performance after the song is finished. We suck on each other’s necks.

2:41
Refusing to continue to pay $12/shot at the club, Rose and I decide to take a cab back to Flamingo and stop at a liquor store on the way.

2:44
We get into a cab and tell the driver to fucking floor it.

2:46
Rose is not obeying seatbelt laws, as she is straddling my crotch in the backseat. Before we know it we’re at a 24-hour liquor store. We buy a fifth of vodka and a six pack of Smirnoff Ice.

2:55
Finally back at Flamingo, we tip the driver well and tell him he’s allowed to fantasize about us in the backseat of his cab whenever he’s bored.

3:01
Sittin’ on couches and drinking. This goes on for few more hours, including talking to strangers lucky enough to walk by and offering shots from the bottle we so urgently needed to buy after the club. o_0 A thought passes through my mind about how I will feel the next morning, but I quickly extinguish it with a shot of vodka followed by a chaser sip from my spiked Pepsi. And the Smirnoff Ice is working for me at every moment in between.

6:57
I depart from the mini party we had going and, not seeming to need sleep, food, or sobriety, decide to go outside and find somewhere to play poker.

6:58
As I exit I immediately see the Bellagio. Destination established.

7:07
On my way to the Bellagio, a few large women ask me if I want to hang out. I say sure, where do you want to go…we can hang out here or there, whatever. After a minute they break the news to me that they are in fact “working girls,” which takes a few seconds to sink into my ethanol-saturated brain. I laugh, look at their obese bodies, laugh harder, and walk away. God knows who would do business with *them.*

7:14
I finally make it to the Bellagio poker room and instantly get labeled the “Mike the Mouth” of the table due to my constant drunken chatter, most of which is not too insulting to anyone in particular but still quite obnoxious.

7:20
At last I become aware of where the fuck I am and look behind me at the glass-enclosed room with two poker tables inside. Some of you may know this area as Bobby’s Room, and I almost jizzed in my pants when I saw Patrik Antonius, Johnny Chan, Jeffrey Lisandro, and a couple other big fish playing what looked like Chinese poker. Seeing these guys live was probably the highlight of my trip, and I was lucky, too, since I came back a couple more times but Bobby’s Room was always empty.

10:15 AM Tuesday
Broke, drunk, and exhausted (up for a day ftw), I force my walking corpse to take me to my hotel room to pass out. Thanks for the ass-kicking, Vegas. :D

Shout outs to my folks for booking the trip and letting me roam around the city like a case of gonorrhea, to the Mexican flappers along the strip who acted as targets for my smartass remarks and my own mocking hand slapping with no fear of verbal backlash (I had Immigration Services on speed-dial), and to Rose (you know who you are) for the great time; you’re gorgeous inside and out. :)

h1

Full Tilt, you really are second to PS

July 9, 2009

This is a list of recent withdrawals (personal checks) I’ve made from my Poker Stars account:

  • Requested March 2, received March 11 (9 days)
  • Requested April 1, received April 8 (7 days)
  • Requested May 1, received May 9 (8 days)
  • Requested June 1, received June 9 (8 days)

And my latest withdrawal (personal check) from Full Tilt:

  • Requested June 21, received July 9 (18 days)

Thanks, I guess. But Full Tilt, why must you suck so much at doing your job? >:-(